Good Bunny
by Furor Scribiendi
Summary: Everyone's in on the surprise birthday party for Harry and everything's in place, except for one person: Lucius Malfoy. After some 'convincing' from Hermione…


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Title: Good Bunny  
**_Pairing_**: HP/LM  
**_Rating_**: R (just to be on the safe side)  
**_Feedback_**:   
**_Disclaimer_**: I don't own Lucius Malfoy. I don't own Harry Potter. Hell, I don't own anything to do with Harry Potter. sob All I own are my insane little plot bunnies, my package of Oreo cookies and the phrase, 'Hell yeah! Sexy Snape coming through!!' I actually said that during a PoA trailer.  
**_Summary_**: Everyone's in on the surprise birthday party for Harry and everything's in place, except for one person: Lucius Malfoy. After some 'convincing' from Hermione…  
**_Category_**: One-Shot/Humour  
**_Warnings_**: Slash, established relationship, a bit of implied BSDM near the end, and just one naughty word.

"Lucius, you have to do it; you're the only one who fits into it."  
  
"Quite frankly, I don't have to. I'm all for your plans for his birthday fete, but there are more dignified ways of celebrating it."  
  
A heavy, and very weary, sigh sounded in the room. "It's not humiliation; he'll love you for it."  
  
"In case you haven't noticed, he already does, Hermione." Lucius replied in an icy voice.  
  
"You know what I mean," Hermione sighed once more, a bit more softly though. "We didn't get to celebrate his twenty-first birthday properly, what with Voldemort and all, so we're doing it for his twenty-fifth; big deal. He always wanted this you know; he just never told you because it was so thoroughly," she paused for a split second as she ran a hand through her hair. "Mugglish."  
  
"I refuse to wear that…monstrosity," he sneered at the garment in Hermione's grasp. "No self-respecting wizard with a mere vestige of good taste and common sense would."  
  
There came a brief silence that Lucius had come to recognise all too well; it was the taut, inevitable silence of preparation that accompanied the snapping of Hermione's temper.  
  
"Now you listen," she said as she advanced on him and jabbed him quite hard in the shoulder. "I have tried very nicely to reason with you for the past fifteen minutes when I have better things to be doing with my time; namely making sure Fred and George don't blow something up, with who knows what. You are going to do this, even if I have to make you do it at wandpoint and destroy whatever dignity and self-respect you wish to keep intact," she shoved the garment in his hands. "You _will_ put this on. You _will_ come out of that cake. And you _will_ wish Harry a very happy birthday or, by Maeb, I'll make you regret it."  
  
All Lucius could manage was a stoic silence in the face of the bushy haired witch's direct, and very apparent, threat. He had no doubt she would make him regret it; he had met some people who had crossed Hermione once and they abjectly regretted it.  
  
"Good," Hermione said with a smirk in a self-satisfied voice. "If anything, you'll keep more dignity and gain more respect for doing something so ludicrous of your own free will. The more enthusiasm you show, the better."  
  
Lucius opened his mouth to give a biting retort but immediately thought the better of it and snapped his mouth shut. Best to not give her anything else to fire at him. All he gave her was a malevolent glare.  
  
"Now then, hurry up and get changed," she said as she made he way to the bedroom door. "Ginny and Ron should bringing Harry by soon now, and you still have to-"  
  
"The longer you stand there and blither on, the less time I have." He ground out, interrupting her on purpose  
  
"Modest?" she said with a false coquettish smile. "You really shouldn't be after all the stories Harry told me."  
  
And with that, Hermione left a fuming, livid Lucius in the bedroom with the last thing on Earth he ever wanted to wear in the duration of his natural lifespan clutched in his fist.

It was only a grand total of twenty minutes later and Lucius was already recalling why he had thought it a bad idea to ever get involved with Gryffindors; they were loud, reckless, ingratiating, annoying, self-righteous, bullying, not to mention their inability to co-ordinate simple colours into tasteful outfit. And now, because of these Gryffindors, and their insistence on a very large and crowded birthday 'bash' for Harry, he was stuck and cramped in a large wooden cake. He was sweating like a stuck pig, his hair tied back in a ponytail to keep most of his hair from his face, and listening to the somewhat faint murmurs of excitement that trickled into his ears through the wood.  
  
It wasn't for the first time that he cursed Draco's involvement with Ron or their subsequent relationship. He'd been shocked enough to find out that his son, his only heir, had been fraternising with a Weasley let alone pursuing them romantically. Once the initial shock had worn off, he counted himself lucky it was Ron; at least he could think and had high ambitions for himself without falling into the same pitfalls as that other Weasley…Percy was his name. He hadn't the faintest clue of what the girl Weasley was doing, and while those twins were raking in the Galleons, he would hardly call a joke shop respectable vocation. The other two he had no clue about.  
  
And when Draco had insisted on him attending dinner at the Burrow with the entire Weasley family for dinner, Lucius had managed to swallow his pride and agree. It was far too clear to see how important this was to Draco. That was, of course, after biting his tongue and managing to agree and, once Draco was gone, pouring himself a stiff drink and allowing himself to pace and rant all he pleased in his study; obviously after a good strong silencing spell.  
  
Of course, showing up at the obviously falling apart home with a smile and bottle of wine was far more than he should have rightly done. What he wasn't expecting was for Draco to answer the door wearing a dark green sweater with a large 'D' in the middle of it and to be dragged into the house. What greeted him was a solid wall of crimson, and a pack of Weasleys, blood and honorary, regarding him coldly. He'd looked around to find Hermione sitting in a single armchair and Harry sitting on the armrest with an amused smile that said, 'He has that same shocked look that I did once' all over his face. Once he'd given a cordial greeting and presented the wine, things relaxed a bit. All night, the only other person he found tolerable to his presence and to talk to – aside from his son – was Harry.  
  
After that, things, as he liked to say, spiralled from there.  
  
And now, five years later, here he was, about to embarrass himself totally and wondering when the hell those Weasleys would get Harry here so he could get this done and over with. He was hot. The suit only fit his upper body and was wrinkly on his lower and he didn't even have time to spell it to fit him right. Hermione had stormed into the bedroom after only ten minutes, grabbed him as he was attempting to do up back, done up the thing called a zipper as she pushed him down the hallway, and literally stuffed him into the cake.   
  
The ears were floppy but somewhat stiff so he was able to move them up out of his eyesight, small boon that it was. The hood fitted him horribly and was uncomfortable when his hair was loose and he had been forced to pull it into a ponytail as best he could but small wisps broke free and drifted languidly in front of his eyes. The tail was horribly poufy and drew far too much attention to his arse. And the colour of the suit alone…the colour alone was enough to make him want to rip the vile cloth from his very skin, call the whole thing off and find some other viable mean of averting Hermione's wrath to a certain degree.  
  
Yes, no good came of getting mixed up with Gryffindors. Though from all accounts, they seemed to be just as good as a Slytherin in bed and – yes, he would admit it – then some. His own experience was singularly unique; he was more than certain some of the things he and Harry did would make some look entirely straight-laced and prudish.  
  
Of course, that was another subject entirely. He was so far off from his original subject to begin with. Being confined in a humid small space was definitely having some sort of adverse affect on his-  
  
"Sh! They're coming!"  
  
He could have growled as the words filtered through and was followed by a door being unlocked and opened. Better he actually give some enthusiasm lest Hermione find some means of extracting it from him in some manner. That girl was truly scary sometimes.  
  
"Can I open my eyes now?" Harry's voice was muffled but Lucius could still hear the curiosity and eagerness in it.  
  
The sound of a door being shut came. "You can open them right….now!"  
  
If that wasn't his cue, Lucius would still get out of this blasted cake and hex anyone who dared to say anywise, even Hermione. He stood up, ripping through the top of the cake, yelling, 'Surprise!' along with everyone else. All Lucius got to see for a split second was the expression of surprised joy on Harry's face before a bright light went off. When he was finally able to see, he saw the source of the light; one of those mousy looking blond haired boys with a camera in his hand and an insanely happy grin on his face.  
  
Grumbling, Lucius waited until someone moved the entire wooden cake over to a fairly empty corner and started to clamber out of the cake carefully as everyone else surged forward to wish Harry a happy birthday. By the time he set a foot on the ground, everyone was mingling and the music was already blaring far too loudly. With a snort, he dusted the little bits of wood from his suit, grimacing visibly at the colour. As he finally looked up, he was met with a pair of highly amused green eyes.  
  
"Yes?" Lucius asked a bit frostily, now brushing away what were imaginary bits of wood.  
  
"You're in a bunny suit. A bright, Barbie pink bunny suit." Harry said in a rather incredulous tone.  
  
"Really, I hadn't noticed…" Lucius snapped mordantly, not really remembering or caring what a Barbie was, though Harry had explained it to him once.  
  
"Either Hermione browbeated you into doing it, or you must really love me to actually _let_ her get you to do this for me." Harry smiled as he stepped in closer to Lucius.  
  
"Pick one," Lucius said sourly, noticing that slight, secretive smile that Harry wore. "It doesn't matter. My humiliation is complete and once I get those pictures from…" he trailed off.  
  
"Colin Creevey?" Harry supplied.  
  
"It will thankfully be only a memory to everyone else in the room." Lucius finished abruptly. "Now to get out of this blasted thing."  
  
Harry chuckled as he leaned in and kissed Lucius on the cheek. "I rather like you in it. Colour aside though," he drew out his wand and quickly changed the colour from bright Barbie pink to jet-black. "Better?"  
  
"Much." Lucius replied. "I'll be able to stomach whatever food I eat without wanting to retch violently."  
  
Harry chuckled as he ran his hand over Lucius' shoulder. "I think you did it because you love me; plus you're actually going to stay in the suit."  
  
Lucius didn't say anything but slid Harry and oblique look. That must have amused Harry further since he gave Lucius a full, and rather heady, kiss this time. He heard himself giving a highly unflattering squeak of surprise as one of Harry's hands slid down and groped his arse fleetingly. This was certainly new; Harry had never done anything remotely like that in a room full of people before.  
  
"Mmmm," Harry purred a few moments later when he broke the kiss. "Best birthday yet." he mused.  
  
"Happy twenty-fifth, Mr. Potter," Lucius murmured as he grasped Harry's hand as best he could through the fingerless glove of his costume. He smirked suddenly and leaned in as an idea struck him. "This is one gift you'll have to wait until the guests are gone to open."  
  
"Bloody cocktease…" Harry muttered under his breath but the spark of anticipation was there in his eyes.  
  
"Come now, the guests are waiting; it's rude to keep them waiting," He said smoothly as he dragged Harry behind him. "You think you would have learned some manners by now."  
  
"Oh, don't worry," Harry said in a low voice that made Lucius glance back. "I think I'd be able to show my pet a thing or two about that."  
  
A slow shiver passed through his body at that and Lucius was glad that he was actually wearing the bunny suit. Suddenly, he couldn't wait for the guests to leave.  
  
-fin- 


End file.
